the Jesus Brigade striketh....

I am a Christian. That means that I believe in, and am excited by, the fact that God accepts me like I am, that I am saved by His sacrifice alone and not at all by any pathetic good stuff I might (or might not) attempt, and that He, the God of the universe, likes me and wants to know me and be known by me. I think that's pretty cool and totally amazing. That makes me a Christian, right?

So why is it that I actively dislike the vast majority (or so it seems) of the rest of the Christians in this country? Why do I loathe being lumped in with them? Why am I ashamed to admit my relationship with Jesus because it simultaneously admits a relationship with Them?

We all know Them, don't we. They are the Christians who use the name of God as a sledgehammer, who use the Bible as a bludgeon. They are the ones who gasp in shock if they hear someone say "shit" but will slice someone to ribbons with gossip and backstabbing. They squabble about denominations and hate each other over tiny differences in obscure doctrinal belief. They love the righteous indignation of being offended and are constantly on the lookout for reasons to express their holy rage. They care loads about making noise proclaiming their beliefs, but not in the least about being heard by anyone in any meaningful way. They love that the world is going to hell, because it lets them feel secure in their condemnation of it and their sense of grizzled, beak-nosed superiority over it. These Christians are the members of the Jesus Brigade, blithely abusing the name of God to justify their own petty and hateful predilections, preferences and arrogances.

We all know members of the Jesus Brigade. They make sure they are known. It is their point in life. They like that they are ridiculed and hated because they believe it makes them more special to God. As if being rejected because one is an insufferable prick is somehow the same as being rejected because of one's belief in Jesus. I saw a bumper sticker on a co-workers car that reads: "Dear Lord, protect me from your followers". To this I mutter a whole-hearted (if woeful) "Amen, Brothah".

I am a Christian who, to a large degree, cannot suffer Christians.

I am instituting a new policy here on George's Running Social Commentary. We have all seen how the media has rightfully begun referring to Islamic Terrorists as "Islamists" instead of Muslims. This is a necessary way of seperating the murderous tyrants who use that faith as a justification for hatred and death from those who follow it's tenets peacefully and believe at heart that it is indeed a religion of peace (debate the distinction if you must, and I think it is a legitimate debate, but our OB-GYN is an Iraqi follower of Islam and I know it is unfair to line her up beside the bloody lunatic terrorists who kill in the name of Allah). I am going to adopt a similar approach to the distinction in the Christian world between believers like myself and the members of the Jesus Brigade. I'm going to call them Christianists. Fair enough?

So what have the Christianists been up to lately? What was it that drew my ire enough to finally record my rambling thoughts on the subject? They are picketing. I saw it on Yahoo yesterday. It's Christmastime and oooohhh, the Jesus Brigade has stirred its righteous umbrage into a frothing lather of white-hot spite at the Satanic monolith of ... wait, you've heard this, right? Yes, indeed.

Walmart.

They are picketing Walmart, trying to turn away shoppers. Why? Because of allegations that Walmart hires illegal aliens? Or that Walmart discriminates based on gender? Or that they pay an unlivable wage to their low-level employees? Or that Walmart bulldozes small business and decimates small town economies? Nah. Christianists don't care about that kind of thing, even if it is true. No, they are picketing Walmart because Walmart chose to use the phrase "Happy Holidays" in their advertising this year instead of "Merry Christmas".

That's defending the faith for ya.

Do they really think Jesus is cheering this on? Can they actually imagine Jesus coming back to earth today and spending his time picketing retail stores because of how they refer to his holiday? I mean, do they really look at the Jesus of the Bible and think that this man argued petty little offenses and howled outrage about his rights? Would Jesus fight a war over whether we taught creation or evolution in school? Would he march on city hall trying to shut down the local strip joint? Would he start a letter campaign to have the Ten Commandments installed in every courthouse? Would he organize a political rally to protest the threat to the words "under God" in the American Pledge of Allegience?

For the sake of any Christianists who might be reading this, let me answer that categorically. No! He wouldn't!

When Jesus did walk the earth, he didn't join forces with the religious warmongers. Instead, he hung out with the strippers and the drunks, the cheaters and the sluts. His band of followers was made up of working stiffs and dregs. He annoyed the religious leaders, the Christianists of his time, because he not only didn't join them in their holy wars, he associated himself with the very people they were trying to condemn and squash. He didn't come with an agenda of political upheavel and doctrinal legalism. He came with a plain and simple message for everyday peeps who were just getting by, people who didn't have the answers, who just wanted to be loved and accepted. Jesus was straight up about the people who did think they had the answers, and who were using those answers to beat others over the head. Sometimes he scoffed at them. Sometimes he embarrassed them. But mostly (and this was the worst thing of all from their perspective) he just ignored them.

So maybe I should just learn to ignore the Christianists. Maybe we all should, believer and unbeliever alike, churched, unchurched, sinner and saint. Just ignore the ever-lovin' daylights out of 'em. Maybe that really would be the worst thing of all for them, because without an audience, they don't have anyone to feel superior over. But its hard, because the God they claim to represent, that they are mocking by their pettiness and shrill whining, is a good God who not only loves people, He likes them! He likes all the people who are getting annoyed and abused and offended and hurt by the rhetoric of the Christianists. He wants to be with them and to be known by them, He wants to show them love and bring them to a place of real joy and freedom from guilt! And they are not finding that, because those that claim most noisily on this earth to represent that God are obnoxious, hateful little twits. I don't blame the world for turning away from that, but I hope they do find the real God somewhere along the line. I cling to the belief that God is bigger than those little people who abuse His name, and that His blinding love cannot be obscured by the tiny, paltry bushel-basket of Christianist propaganda.

I suppose it does do me some good to remember that the Christianists (in a different form) were out in force when Jesus walked the earth as a man, and that he more or less blew them off. I'll try to do the same thing. I really will.

But as hard as I'm trying, I ain't Jesus. And one of these days, I may just have to pop one of 'em.