The Muslim Mafia

I've been thinking about this for a long, long time, but I have refrained from saying much about it, either here or elsewhere, because of one very important factor.

This is going to be about Islam. The one factor that has kept me from making the strong statements and judgements I am, perhaps unfortunately, known for on this very timely subject is the fact that we have someone in our lives who is a devoted Muslim, a person whom we trust implicitly and who we like immensely. She is, in fact, something of an icon in the local Muslim community. She gives speeches on the subject and makes annual trips to Mecca, where she spends much time in prayer and quiet devotion. She is kind, caring, thoughtful, humourous, highly intelligent and generally just a joy to be around.

It is her I think of first when I begin to respond to the current events involving the Muslim world. It is her I think of when I see news footage of bearded men in turbans firing automatic weapons and speaking serenely of the death of my children. It is her I think of when I hear Islam referred to as a religion of peace.

Well, that is officially changed as of now. It was the Pope's speech that did it.

I didn't listen to the speech. I didn't even know, or care (being neither Muslim nor Catholic), that it was going on. The first I heard of it was the day after, when excerpts of it were being played on the radio and TV, and the first responses of the Muslim world were coming in.

As far as I understand it, the Pope quoted some ancient text in which a Muslim and a Catholic were discussing Islam. The Catholic said (and I very much paraphrase) "Show me anything new Muhammad brought to the world of religion, and I will show you violence and coersion." So maybe the essence of that idea is right, maybe it is wrong. What is extremely telling, however, is the response of the Muslim world in general. Frankly, I think it is funny, in a black-comedy sort of way.

"Call us and our Prophet violent, will ya!?" They shriek. "Take that back right now or we'll kill you and your children! Take it back or we'll burn your churches and piss on the ashes! We'll dance on the graves of your families! Take it back or die a thousand deaths! We'll show YOU to call us violent!"

I mean, really. If it wasn't true, it'd be a farce. It's Mel Brooks doing religion.

And it struck me as familiar somehow. I mulled it over and I finally realized what it was. It's not so much religion as farce: it's religion as mafia.

The traditional mafia M.O. (at least according to Hollywood) is for the pinstriped goombah to sell insurance to local businesses. "Pay us up and I can insure you against us smashing ya moichendise and maybe ya nose. At least until next month." The Muslim Mafia says "Pay us respect as a Religion of Peace and maybe we won't send our goons to saw off your head and bomb your churches. Until next month."

Sure, there are lots of Muslims who don't saw off heads and hide missiles in their basements. They aren't members of the Muslim Mafia. But what I find utterly dismaying, and frankly disgusting, about your average non-killing Muslim is that they will not, under any circumstance, condemn the actions of their hacksaw wielding brethren. Even our good Muslim friend, when I asked her about the violence and the killings enacted in response to those dopey Muhammad cartoons, essentially defended them by pointing out alleged atrocities performed against the Muslim world by the American military/political machine. She essentially said, "Well, Muslims are angry and oppressed, so any violent response is legitimate."

She would say that was not what she meant. In so may words. But that's what her response still boils down to. Hers, and that of the rest of the non-head-sawing-off Muslim world. "We've been opressed and insulted. You brought it on yourselves. I might not be planning to kill you and your family myself, but if other Muslims are, well, you probably deserve it. Also, don't you dare say we're violent. I'm not, so it's unfair to say Muslims are. I'll sue you if you say it. Or some other Muslim will bomb your house. So take it back."

There are terrorists in the Christian world as well, as many Muslims point out. Absolutely there are. The Ku Klux Klan is a prime example: murderous, hateful thugs bent only on death, coersion and intimidation. The vast majority of Christians, however, utterly and loudly condemn the Klan. They distance themselves from such loons, speak out forcefully against them.

The Muslim world won't speak out against their terrorists. They defend them, if by nothing else than their silence.

If there are atrocities being committed against Muslims by our soldiers or our government, we speak out against that, too. If our soldiers did indeed commit those awful rapes and murders in Iraq, I, for one, would see that they got the death penalty, quickly and economically. I do not, instead, defend their actions by pointing out that plenty of other American soldiers have been blown to smithereens by Iraq-made roadside bombs.

That, however, is what Muslims - even non-head-chopping Muslims - do. Ask any Muslim: was it OK for the terrorists to torture and mutilate and then dance proudly over the bodies of those two American servicemen? What do you think they will say? The words will vary, but the response will be along the lines of "Well, Muslims are offended and insulted and pissed off. I may not have done it myself, but I sympathize with those that do." No Muslim, in my experience or observation, will ever say "No. That wasn't all right. Paying back a wrong with raw vengeance is also wrong. I renounce that, and I reject those who call themselves Muslim and commit such acts."

Oh, how it would be refreshing to hear a Muslim say that. Oh how it would restore my faith in the Muslim world if they didn't simpy respond with their own allegations and angry threats. If they would stop justifying murder as a response to insults, or even disagreement. How refreshing it would be even if one Muslim said "We don't all want to saw off your head and kill your children, but I sympathize with the fear and trepidation you feel because of those of us who do!" Even that would amount to a monumental gesture towards understanding and something at least attempting reconciliation.

Instead, the Muslim Mafia sits serenely back and makes us a deal we can't refuse: Embrace us. Follow our dictates. Respect us as a Religion of Peace. Or we'll kill you. We'll probably kill you anyway, or die trying, because even those of us who wouldn't kill you won't lift a finger to stop those of us who will. But hey, that'll be later. For now...

That's a nice family you got there. Be a shame if anything happened to 'em...